I’m going to admit something that I’m not entirely proud of.
I’m going to admit with a bit of shame that I’m a very judgemental person.
I try not to be, really I do.
As I get older however I realize that judgemental people like myself are generally judgemental because either (a) something negative has happened to us making us a little ‘sinister’ or (b) we are just generally negative people and by judging others we make ourselves feel better.
I’m sure there is more to this than just (a) and (b) however (a) + (b) = y (why?)
I will admit, and not just because you won’t ‘judge’ me too much, that I’m getting much better at this. By identifying the fact that I’m judgemental because I’m miserable I’ve learnt to harness that ole judgemental horse before she gets out of control.
I used to judge people who exercised or ran all the time for instance. Yes I did.I don’t know why I did this. These healthy individuals out pounding the pavement. Perhaps I was a little jealous of them? Perhaps I didn’t see how delightful running or going to the gym could be at that point in my life. Whatever it was, I judged them. I was friends with them, I hung out with them, but I judged them.
I judged the lady in my neighbourhood who lies on the couch all day. I only know that she does this because on my ‘nightly’ walks or adventures I go past her ‘lighted’ house and can see here lying there. She is obese. I used to say to myself “why doesn’t she just get off the fricken couch?” She wouldn’t need to use a cane to walk if she dropped a few pounds. One day, while walking past said lady's house a couple of little kids came bounding out of the house shouting “We love you Grandma”. I cried. Yes I actually did. No B.S. here. How could I have judged someone’s grandmother so harshly?
If and when I’m judged I want to scream “How dare you judge me! You have NO IDEA who I am!”
There are many things in my life that I could be judged on. I’m a smoker, I’ve been married twice, I’m a step-mother, I’m outspoken….just to name a few. If I feel judged on any of these issues well I’d feel attacked.
For a long while now, since the ‘grandmother’ incident, I have made a concerted effort to find the positive first. It’s actually harder than I thought (as sad as that sounds) but it’s such a nice feeling when it happens!
You start to appreciate people for who they are and where they’ve been. Funny thing is you start to appreciate yourself more too. You see, all those things we judge people about, well…we’re judging ourselves.
I’ve always wanted to run and go to the gym all the time. I just never thought I could. I always thought you had to be a ‘type’ of person to do these things.
I’ve had heavy days (especially when I had my children..80 pounds with my daughter thank you very much)..and I was a chunky kid. I know what it takes to be healthy, but judging that lady on her couch? Well that was me projecting.
It’s been a journey for me. One that has helped me in discovering who I am.
I’ve admitted my ‘judgemental’ ways publicly, but I know I’m not the only one.
That freeing feeling you get from just saying “live and let live”, well it’s awesome.
I’ve learnt so much about people that I would have previously judged, but no longer do.
I smile and wave to that lady on her couch. So happy I am that she does not know I judged her. She’s a kind hearted soul.
I’ve been going to the gym for a while, and I run now and it makes me happy.
Next time you judge someone, or think about judging someone; sit down and write out the reasons you may be judging them. Chances are you’re judging something you don’t like about yourself.